Heavy but not fat wtf??

So fuckin pissed right now, was meant to post last night but didnt have the time once I got in from drama where I got told 'your heavier than you look' and 'your heavy but I didnt mean your fat, your not fat' - I mean surely there the same thing right? I mean I probs have more muscle than fat but still I wanna be light as air not fucking heavy as lead! This has upset me so much, I tried explaning it to the bf but I am pretty sure he's getting sick of my low self esteem by now :/ AND to make matters worse guess which fucker just had pizza...fuckin fat me! I have had an awful day today, it started well but then I started feeling sick and weak - this usally happens a few weeks into whatever diet I do, and is stupidly only solved by eating some form of fatty foods, it sounds crazy I know but everytime I try and persuade myself with fruit and veg when I feel like that it either makes it worse or does fuck all, however I am classing this as my 'free day' in hopes of boosting my metab cos I didnt lose a thing last week stupid plateau so hopefully this has done me more good than bad. Not gonna measure myself until monday though and gonna push through so hard until the end of the week, got 3 more weeks till the show so even if I could just lose 5lbs it would be enough. Got my running gear now so should be taking up running again as of next week, gonna shift this fat even if it kills me!

On a more positve note the dinner party me and my bf went to on Sat was lovely - it was a late royal wedding celebration and we had a lovely time, look horrendous on the photos though, its a proper eye opener :/

xx